Writing || On Grief

Winter Solstice

Today is Winter Solstice; the shortest day of the year, but also the day that marks the beginning of light pushing against the borders of darkness. From here the days will creep ever outwards, the sun shining a few minutes longer until we once again don't have to scuttle home before darkness falls at 5pm. We won't notice it at first: we'll still feel like falling asleep far too early, but sure enough almost imperceptibly light will once again rule our days.

It's a good time for a beginning I think, for working alongside the sun to beat other kinds of darkness too, so that one day the light will once again outweigh all else.

Video || April 2017 Roadtrip

In April we went on a roadtrip adventure through three different states. We visited the most easterly point of the country, climbed Australia's tallest mountain, went to a Lumineers concert, saw the Twelve Apostles along the Great Ocean Rd and had plenty of other adventures in between.

On Film || February & March '17

My second lot of film photos came in the other day and the focus is a little bitter than last time! Yay! There were some photos that I really loved in this roll along with the character the imperfections give them.

Dear March

~

Video || March 2017

A little snippet of the month, more to do with how it felt than anything else.

Writing || A Response to my 2013 "50 Facts"

In 2013 I wrote and published a list of "50 facts about me." Reading back I couldn't help but notice some big differences between who I was then and who I am now. I thought I'd respond to her.

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1.     I have never drunk alcohol and never intend to You drink if you want a drink, never much or often, but there’s no reason for you to flat out avoid it out of fear like you once did.

2.     I get a lot of people making snide remarks because of the previous fact Nobody cares what you do 18 year old me. Nobody. Cares.

3.     I can count all of my friends on one hand You’ve got friends in a plethora of countries from all around the world, and though you might not see the ones that live near you that often, they’ll be there when you need them most.

4.     The second I meet someone, after I leave I automatically assume they dislike me It’s called anxiety, and you have it.

5.     I find it extremely hard to make friends You still find it hard at 21 but it’s easier, you’re better at putting yourself out there.

6.     It takes me a really long time to feel comfortable around someone True

7.     I started studying Science at university this year Oh you poor soul

8.     I have since decided I hate science. Incorrect. You do not hate science. You hated the way in which you were taught science, but it’s something that fills you with wonder daily.

9.     I'm looking towards swapping my university course into something to do with creative writing or fashion And did you do it? No.

10.  Thinking of 50 facts is going to be a lot harder than I previously assumed Okay

11.   My favourite thing about getting ready is doing my hair Your hair is a lot shorter than it used to be now. My favourite thing about getting ready is probably creating a new outfit combination.

12.  I have no idea what job I want to have when I finish university and that's probably why I don't know what course to do That’s true, and you still have no idea.

13.  It's my dream to live in a house in the woods That still sounds amazing, but things would be a little different now.

14.  I want a library in my future home Is it not enough to just have a collection of the books you love? Who cares if they’re just crammed into tiny bookshelves. They’re still there.

15.  Just once, I want to have a greenhouse YOU’RE NOT THAT GOOD AT LOOKING AFTER PLANTS

16.  I love writing poetry, but nobody in my family knows it My family is unbelievably supportive and excited about my poetry. My sister designed the covers of the three poetry books you’ve published since.

17.  I will often look overdressed rather than underdressed, because I love dressing up Yeah but sometimes you just don’t care

18.  Sewing is one of my favourite things to do Correct

19.  I hate it when people say "I can't live without my phone" Cut them some slack 18 year old me. Maybe focus on yourself???

20.  I always bring a book if I know I'm going to be waiting somewhere Still true

21.  I am currently reading "The Girl who circumnavigated fairyland in a ship of her own making" I’m currently reading “Man’s Search for Meaning”

22.  I'm not close friends with my "Best Friend" from high school And?

23.  I drift away from practically everyone There are a lot of people who are supposed to only be temporary in your life. Imagine holding onto them all!? But the people who are worth keeping around will stay.

24.  I'm the most introverted person I know You’re still introverted but you’re getting braver at doing things that go against it.

25.  I have only been overseas once but dream of travelling the world You’ve been overseas three times since. In fact you were in the USA for 3 months in 2015.

26.  I keep a diary You still do.

27.  I'm 18, but don't have my drivers license I’m 21 and I still don’t

28.  I'm not afraid of being alone, in fact, I prefer it Being alone is great, but so is being with people who make you as comfortable as you would be alone.

29.  I never used to like tea, almonds or oranges, now they are all among my favourite things You’ve gone off almonds again

30.  There's a grocery store where I live called "Aldi" I refuse to ever enter it I hate it that much Oh my goodness why do I still dislike this shop

31.  I wish I had an awesome middle name, but I'm stuck with the stock-standard "Louise" Which your parents gave you out of love. Own it.

32.  I love having a set routine, I find it fun Routines make the world go round.

33.  I absolutely love planning something out before it happens, it makes me more excited I’m planning out a roadtrip on a big map right now

34.  I don't have anyone I can talk about my problems to WRONG YOU’RE JUST TOO SCARED TO START TALKING

35.  I'm scared I'm wasting my youth You’re not, stop worrying about it

36.  My favourite movie is Dead Poets Society My favourite movies are Dead Poets Society and Into the Wild

37.  I do not have any piercings or tattoos I have 3 piercings

38.  I believe I have learnt more about myself in 2013 than I ever have before And how much you’ll keep learning forever after!

39.  I can honestly say I am happy with who I am We’re always changing and evolving, don’t get caught up in only liking this stagnant version of you.

40.  I love being awake before everyone else, having the world to myself for a while Still true

41.  I come up with the most interesting and fun things to do when I'm supposed to be studying You’ve not had a reason to need to “study” for 3 years now

42.  I always send birthday cards and letters to people in the hopes that maybe one day someone will send me one too Now you just send them because you realise the importance of kindness for kindness’ sake

43.  Receiving handwritten mail is among my favourite things This one will remain true forever

44.  One of my biggest dreams is to save enough money for my parents to travel overseas for the first time But don’t forget to show your love in the little ways too

45.  I have learnt to really appreciate the little things this year The little things are all there is

46.  I'd like to think I am an optimist I bounce from one end to the other

47.  People who put you down for being who you are or liking what you like are the worst kind of people Yes they are

48.  I always try my hardest not to judge other people and get really uncomfortable in conversations where the person I'm with is belittling someone else Human beings are just humans beings. Good job 18 year old self.

49.  I make new years resolutions every year Not as many as I used to

50.  If you've actually read all of these, I love you. ❤

A Resolution || Thrifted, Gifted or Homemade

Shirt: Thrifted, Skirt: Homemade, Rings: Gifted & Homemade, Earrings: Gifted, Scrunchie: Homemade

When creating New Year's Resolutions at the end of last year I kept coming back to an idea I've had for a while but have been too scared to announce to anyone. The ironic thing is that I already follow this premise for the most part but once I share it with others I'm locked in; it's something that I feel I need to achieve.

I've decided that for as long as I possibly can (hopefully forever!) I will only wear clothing that is thrifted, gifted or homemade. There's a few exceptions to this rule such as underwear, socks and sports wear, but I would love to eventually learn how to make my own of these too!

Obviously with homemade items but also with thrifted ones, you get the feeling of uniqueness. There's a story behind each piece; whether it's the one you created by making it or one you will never know by someone you'll never meet. There's intention each time you pick an outfit from your wardrobe and everything feels special, like it's truly yours and not like anything else people will own from chain stores.

So now I've announced it and I need to stick with my goal. Hopefully I'll be able to encourage other people to try including more thrifted or homemade items into their own lives too.

~ Erin

Photos || My New Home

I live somewhere new now. It's just me and my sister and more cupboards than we have things to put in them. In the afternoon the sun falls through my windows and across the walls like a final goodbye before it slips below the horizon. I can't wait to hang crystals all along the window and watch the rainbows they create dancing around the room. It's nice here. It's peaceful and it feels like it's ours. Soon we'll have friends over for meals or to let them crash when they need a place to stay. I think this place is going to be good.

~ Erin

Writing || A Little Life Update

Hey everyone! (And by everyone I mean anyone who is yet to give up hope for this blog.) It feels like its been forever; I haven't posted consistently since probably September last year and things are once again changing so I thought I'd write a little update.

1. My health: I feel like I've been living at the doctors these past few months. Blood tests showed I was deficient in iron, B12 and Vitamin D, and a follow up test three months later showed that my iron deficiency had only gotten worse. Now I'm just waiting to see a doctor about getting an iron transfusion.

I also got put onto antidepressants (Zoloft) for a little while but when a chest pain I've had for a long time came back I was taken off them again just to be on the safe side. Since then I've had an ultrasound done on my heart (it's all good) but haven't started up medication again.

I'm getting my wisdom teeth out! All four at once, and I'm a little bit scared. That'll be on March 31st. I had an appointment with the dentist who will be doing the operation the other day and as I was rushing at home so I could get there in time I happened to smash my foot up against our bench... long story short it turns out I now have a broken toe to contend with as well.

2. My mind: I'm slowly but surely feeling clearer in my mind. Now that I'm also slowly getting energy back it's easier to feel positive about change. There's so many habits I want to gain and so many habits I want to leave behind and I'm starting to feel as though that's possible. I can feel the desire to do things bubbling below the surface, I want to sew again, and go for walks again and just be me again. I'm learning Norwegian and re-learning Japanese, and I want to pick up a whole bundle of new hobbies. I so badly want to get back into blogging too, I just need to find some ideas.

3. My life: There's both not much and everything to update here. A couple of important things though; my sister and I are looking to move out of where we are & into a place with just the two of us soon. I'm so excited about this! I feel incredibly anxious all of the time where I currently am, so a change of scenery with someone I've always known is much needed. 

I got a *sort of* job!? Interviewing people who want to go and teach at a summer camp in the US like I did back in 2015. I'm so excited to get started!

~

There's just a feeling of change in the air, as the seasons start to shift I fill like I will too.

x Erin

On Film || December '16 & January '17

Today I went and picked up the pictures from my first ever roll of film (I've used disposable cameras before, but that hardly counts!) I definitely need to pay more attention to the focus on my camera because the vast majority of the photos were out of focus but for my first ever roll I don't mind! I've definitely had a love for film photography re-ignited, it just makes everything seem a little cosier and real. I think I'll carry my little film camera around with me much more often now.

Photos are from my trip to Springbrook in December, Carnarvon Gorge in January and a few miscellaneous photos in between.

x Erin