Dear Future Me || A Reply To My 18 Year Old Self

When I was 18 I discovered a website called futureme.org. There you can write letters that will be delivered to your email at whatever point in the future you specify. You can't go back and read the letters once they're saved, so it's a lovely surprise when one appears in your inbox. Tonight I was just about to head off to bed when I checked my email one last time and discovered a letter from myself exactly two years ago today along with a photo. It struck me suddenly how much I'd changed without knowing, I think 2013 me would be proud. Here is her letter for me and my letter back to her. Tomorrow I'll be writing another one to send another 2 years into the future.

Dear 18 year old me,

I will not lie to you and say that life has sorted itself out because it hasn't, but I've learnt with time that that is the entire point of life; to be constantly thrown from one situation to the next. There is nothing more detrimental to growth than certainty.

Congratulations on making it through that horrible year of university, you've not stepped foot in a university classroom since. Sometimes I still fret over whether dropping out was the right decision, but then I remind myself that I can always go back if I find myself with something I am truly passionate about. I really truly am happy with what I'm doing right now, although perhaps a "real" job on the side will be needed sometime in the near future. I'll cross that bridge when I'm already halfway over it and suddenly realise it's not completed.

You'll be happy to hear that I have gone somewhere new recently! I just came back from almost 3 months in the USA teaching at a summer camp. I also travelled by myself too, can you believe it? I know if I'd known that when I was your age my heart would be in my throat with nerves. That's the difference between us 18 year old me, there's a bravery and self assuredness in my bones that wasn't there two years ago. 

I've also found new friends, some even that I hope to have for life. I can probably still count them on one hand, but now it's a choice more than something that simply happened. I choose to surround myself with people who inspire me and are carving their own way in this world. Besides, the quality of your relationships aren't defined by how many you have.

This next part of your letter to me made me laugh at your naivety. Oh 2013 me, would you believe me if I told you I'd handwritten almost 350 letters to people all across the world in the last one and a half years alone? I currently have a stack still left to write. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by it, but your joy at writing letters for the sake of making others happy puts it all in perspective. You have a best friend too (she lives on the other side of the world), you write her letters every month and you even got to stay with her when you were in the US. In your time though, you're not going to know of her existence for another few months. It'll happen though, and then the world will get much brighter.

I don't know how to break this to you but I still don't have my license. We won't talk about it okay?

I'm not 100% happy and healthy 18 year old me, and you aren't either are you? But I trust myself and I believe in myself, and even when life is horrible I still love myself. I believe the person I want to be is still up ahead, maybe we can go and find her together.

Love from your slightly older 20 year old self.

x Erin